I'm baaaaaakkkk........

Who knew a blog that begins with bitching about my life and then trying to find meaning behind it all would be of interest to people? Apparently, mine is. Here I thought I was wasting the readers time complaining about all that affects me and I was actually giving people a venue to see that no matter who we are, shit happens.

I thought I needed to clean up my image. That on the road to success, I needed to start hiding failure. That in order to improve my credibility and Google rating, I needed to preserve what seemingness of all-success-all-the-time I could. Gag.

Life's too short, towns are too small and I simply do not have the natural inclination to buy into the bull shit that all successful people have flawless skin, adoring kids, and no worries. What I know that successful people have are great management teams, drive for excellence and an undying belief in themselves and their potential.

Success has to come from somewhere. If we do not want it, what is the point? The world is filled with humble people who want nothing more in life than an RC cola and a moon pie. I believe that if you ask the most successful people why the wanted success, it was born out of the contrast of knowing failure.

My desire to be successful started when I was a neglected child. Boo Hoo, Mommy couldn't do what she should. I am sooooo past that, BUT, I have never gotten past the feeling of a 117 degree summer with no air conditioning. You see, at a small age with no other frame of reference, I decided that the one thing I hated most about my life. More than any abuse or any craziness around me, was not having air conditioning. I was too young to understand the socio-psychology of why my mom was such a nut job, but from where I could see, it seemed that "rich" people had what I waned: central heat and air. I knew that I would always have that, no matter what it took, when I lived on my own. The only thing I knew that could get me that, according to my sheltered upbringing at Lassen View Elementary School, was to go to college. So from the moment I heard about the savior known as a "college education" I knew I would have one.

I have lived on my own since I was 17 and guess what, aside from one brief period, I have ALWAYS had central heat and air. If I needed a place to live and it did not have hvac, I wouldn't even look at it. I remember buying our first home and demanding the system (swamp cooler) be replaced before I would even move in.

It wasn't until my divorce that I knew that I would be a bigger and better person. It wasn't until I had been drug through the knot hole that I was driven to do more, be more and get more. It started out motivated by revenge, yeah I said it. I wanted to make sense of my situation and what better way to sock-it-to-'em than to benefit from my pain. Of course over time I healed and realized that I didn't need or want revenge. I only wanted good things for me. I dropped the anger, for the most part, and started to share honest and great things that can help people help themselves.

Then I fell again and had to pick myself up and prop myself back on my four inch heels. It is the contrast that has honed my life, my skills and made me the person I need to be to be who I want to be. There is a reason it all takes time. If I had been handed the successes I have back then, I would have not been able to manage them. I would have embarrassed myself with my ineptness. I would have failed bigger and better. Now it is so obvious that it is an evolution and I am evolving, and damn if it isn't worth every bit of crap I have withstood to get here.

Depression Snark

I learned a valuable lesson about depression this week. On Sunday I was feeling the weight of the world. I had fallen victim to the negative thoughts in my head telling me that the challenges in life were so trying and that I was tired of trying. I think I was hormonal, hungry, tired and had not been doing the things in life that bring me joy.

I had just gotten home from one of the best vacations I have ever had. Good friends, food and site seeing. Maybe my depression was from the compressed air in the cabin. Depression, courtesy of Continental airlines.

The fact is that I had been struggling with lingering upset for a while. I had been feeling that it was entirely unacceptable and fraudulant for a life coach to feel anything other than constant euphoria and zen-like love for life. How could I be writing columns for the world about ways to be successful if I did not have millions in the bank, a perfect house that never needed cleaning, wonderful relationships that never needed attending and zero cellulite?

The fact that I felt that way was causing my depression. I bought into the belief that successful people never have set backs. That Jack Canfield, James Ray and other success guru's never have diarrhea, get wrinkles or make bad economic decisions.

I read books every day of my life. My library of self-help is exceeded only by my library of cookbooks. In these books, I learn so many things that are life changing. In the process of improving my own life, I understood that theoretically, bad things can still happen, but in actuality, I wasn't coping well when they did.

BUT.......

I found a new author and life-coach who helped me remember some very important things. Martha Beck reminded me that all people have a story. Some of the most revered and successful people have faced challenges throughout their lives. Reading her books Finding Your Own North Star, Steering By Starlight, and most importantly, Leaving The Saints inspired me. Not in the sense that the content was life changing, though it was superior information; rather, in the sense that her telling about her personal struggles coupled with her success made her feel real to me. It reminded me that the snarky blog was designed to show people that life is not all clean sheets and a perfect latte. It is a dynamic dance or trial and error and it is what you do with whatever life throws your way that makes or breaks you.

I have often said that "more often than not" is how to gauge success. If what you do, more often than not, is successful or gets you the results that you want. More often than not, I am wildly happy, successful and improving my life. More often than not, really cool stuff is happening to me. More often than not, I am full of life, trying to live in the moment and realize that all that I need is here at this moment. It wasn't lost in the past or yet to be found in the future. I have everything as I type these words. I am in the zone and the zone is me. I am connected to my source and my source is me. All that I think I want will happen for me and oh what fun it will be as I savor that moment in it's particular time.

So, what I learned on Sunday when I was really low on esteem, energy and faith was not too much. BUT, here I am on Tuesday. having a great day. For some reason the planets are aligned, my hopes are high, my interactions seem to be made in heaven. If I had given up on Sunday, I would have never met Tuesday.
Thanks Martha, you renewed my spirit.

Career Snark

People ask me all the time what it is that I do for a living. That is very hard to answer. I do many things. I have two official day jobs and then there is my company, Faydra and Company, that showcases my true talents. I do a lot of public speaking and I volunteer my time in the community as often as possible.

As my children have grown and my needs have changed, I want to change my employment. There are aspects to both of my day jobs that I love, but I have outgrown one and the other is only part time. Neither is a perfect fit for my talents and the income I know I am capable of earning.

I have been surfing the web and telling the universe and anyone who will listen, that I am ready to spread my talents and take on a new challenge, but here is the rub. It seems that in order to get that new position, there is an expectation that I should know where I want to work, or at the least, what I want to do. GRRRRRRR. I don't.

My snark is that I have big beautiful talents that will be an asset to any company large, small, public or private that has the fortitude of fortune to hire me. I am a natural leader and I love to expose people to their own potential. I love getting people excited about their own possibilities. I love closing a big deal and I love waking up in the morning filled with excitement for the day.

The bottom line is this: I have a huge personality with lots of intelligence and enthusiasm. As a woman that can make me intimidating (so I have heard) but it also makes me very effective. More people like me than hate me, more often than not, I succeed at everything I do. I am self made and not afraid of work, though I know how to work smart and not hard.

So, what do you think I should do for a living? I think more employers should be looking for stable people with great work ethic. I mean you can teach a chimp how to do a "job" but you can't teach charisma and teamwork. I have both. I could sell shampoo or I could teach classes, they both require the same skill sets.

SOOOOO..................

The snarky evolution is that what I want, wants me. Where I want to go already exists. I need only keep putting out to the world that there is a highly educated, highly experienced person available for their benefit. I need to be ready, resume in hand, for whatever opportunity presents itself.

I need to not be discouraged when something does not pan out. I need to remind myself that some will, some won't, so what, someones waiting. The perfect position is out there for me and it is only one or two steps away.

Nosey Snark

My snark for today is the nosey snark. This is a snark about people who are quick to look into your business and cast mega watts of light on what they perceive your story to be.

I used to be super affected when someone took a liking to my life so much that they would pass judgement and say mean and horrible things. I used to feel misunderstood and sometimes wrongly accused.

The snarky evolution has been this........

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Everyone has a past that they would just as soon keep partially buried. They goal is to bury it so deep that the smell doesn't reach the mainstream. For if it were uncovered, oh the regret that would be had.

Some say bad press is still press. Some say that a checkered past is merely proof of an exciting life well lived. I say it is all good as long as there is growth.

It is an evolution. Becoming who you are to this point. Guess what? You aren't done becoming yet. You may actually look back on this time of your life and think that you messed up here too.

My evolution is that I have standards, open minded as I am, and mine may not be what yours are and that is still OK. I have a past that will be juicy enough to interest my grandchildren when they are older and make them think that I am a cool G-ma. I have lived enough life to provide a platform for teaching others. I have traveled, I have loved, I have hated and I have lived. That is so much more fun than being predictable and mild.

I'm A Loser

So, it would seem that I am a loser. If you were to look at my thoughts in my head, you would think that I am a loser. I mean, sometimes I think I'm a loser. We all do.

What is especially hard is if you think that you are backsliding. If you think that you are taking one step forward and three steps back. If you think you have done your time, paid your dues and made your mistakes and something happens.

How old do you have to be before you get your act together? How many failures do you have before you get your big break? How many times can you rise and fall? In any area of life, it is possible to make it one day and break it the next.

so what does it all mean?

Does it mean that if you experience some form of success and then back slide that you didn't learn a lesson? That you failed? Does it mean that you ran out of luck or favor? Does it mean that you should pack it up and check out of life?

I think that it means that life is ever changing and what seems like a failure is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to expand and grow. Here are some thoughts to think instead of negative self talk:

1. This is a moment in time: Whatever you are facing is but a moment in time. Though it may be a defining moment, the moment does not define you. You decide who you are and what you believe about yourself.

2. This is an opportunity: Many great things have happened when times seemed the hardest. Major companies have developed, fortunes have been made and unbelievable resources are uncovered in times of hardship.

3. It just "is": Everything in life just "is" until you label it so. You do not have to declare yourself defeated or unworthy. Reality is relative to what you believe about the situation and yourself.

4. Don't give your permission away: Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." An amazingly powerful way to realize that no one can take your power.

5. Muscle is built on weakness: When muscle is built, it begins by tearing apart the tissue and building new fiber. When times are tough, you build your resiliency muscle.

Judgement Snark

This is a judgement snark!
So, I have learned a lesson and I want to share it with you. Recently, I met someone who's reputation preceded them. I heard about them through a few people, most of whom I barely knew, and the consensus was "stay back" Well, at first I thought I better listen up as they obviously knew something I didn't.

Then I got to thinking......

People say crap about me all the time. They attack me on my column, at BUNKO and probably right in front of me at local events. If someone based their opinion of me, sight unseen, and especially without meeting me, they'd be missing out, because I'm pretty fun.

The truth is that not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to think that what you do, how you act, what you stand for and what you show the world is cool. As Jack Canfield says: Some will, some won't, so what, someone is waiting. GO FIND THEM.

Do not waste one moment of you short life worrying about what others say. I know that is so much easier said than done. I know when "anonymous" people post crap about me I want to slap them, then I realize I am more mad that they are too afraid to say who they are than about what they say because I am not ashamed of who I am. I alone, understand why I do what I do, why I have traveled the road that I have. On paper, we all look a mess sometimes, but it is the overall trajectory that matters. Does the trend always rise? For me, it does.

If you are always on the look out to make your life better, you will make mistakes and learn from them. There is no way to be certain that you will not offend, hurt or otherwise piss other people off. It is OK, the thing is to have an overall sense of wanting to do right by your self and others.

So, when you find yourself receiving gossip or a "recommendation" about someone, consider how you would feel if someone were defaming you. Make your own decisions, based on your personal experience and see where life takes you.

When You Want To Quit, Quit Wanting to Quit

Last week was tough. I wanted to quit writing, loving, working, and trying to make my life as good as it can be. Frankly, I did not even care about "Awakening Human Potential." Life Coach said what?

Seems that no matter who you are, there is always someone who wants to jerk your chain. Sometimes it does not feel like "the juice is worth the squeeze," as my partner, Supa J, says.

Such was the case last week. After nearly two years of writing and blogging, I was tired of being picked on by this nagging anonymous person. It really wasn't about the content so much as it was about the annoying anonymity of it. I mean, can't we all grow a pair when we know we can't be held responsible for what we say? Oh, the people I could shred if I knew I'd never get caught. Pahleez.

BUT

the snarky evolution in all of this is that their evil ways backfired. Yes, I wanted to quit. I even made an appointment with my editor to throw in the verbal towel. I called some friends and shared my mourning before the body of the column was even cold.

Guess what? They all told me that I was foolish. They all told me that one snarky anonymous person (or even a group of them, for that matter) does not a failure make. They all placed their focus on where it belonged - keeping the eye on the prize at all times.

I had people who met me at all levels of my angst. People who spoke like sailors about the audacity of the anonymous mud-slinger. People who used poetic analogies for life's struggles to get me on track. I even had people share their personal experiences with negativity so I would feel part of the team.

I walked away from the experience recharged and motivated. My potential had been awakened.

Another snarky evolution in my ever evolving life.

Peace, light, and freedom of speech to you all . . .